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Watching someone approaching the end of
their days with faith and equanimity is one of the most sacred
experiences in life. Heaven is close at hand as they await their
homecoming to a glory that will far surpass even one of Shetland’s
amazing sunsets. In those northern climes there are days in
mid-summer when you can watch the sun slip beneath the crest of a
hill in the west, and then glimpse the first flares of the rising
sun a few moments later in the east. As the sun sets on one phase of
our life, so it will emerge again in another, better place.
A long-term friend of ours has
recently gone to be with her Lord. After fighting her way bravely
through many years of struggles and anxieties, a deep peace settled
on her when incurable lymphoid cancer set in. Sally’s main concern
was for her unsaved elderly mother, who would not be able to care
for herself. With unmatchable precision the Lord drew all the
threads together. Her mother went to be with the Lord just four days
after making a commitment to Him – and Sally followed her almost
immediately afterwards.
Following the first death in his
mission, Rees Howells declared at her funeral,
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“Have you ever heard of a
person who is dying shaking hands with everyone, as though
she was going on a journey?” The heavens opened and the
victory was such that they all started waving their
handkerchiefs – even the mourners had to join in . . . The
sad grave was turned to be the gate of heaven, and from that
funeral we had the beginning of resurrection life in the
mission.7 |
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All too many in our
fear-bound society lack the benefit of such a spiritual
perspective – something that was epitomised by the ignominy
a mother of a still-born baby had to endure when an
insensitive health professional called back over her
shoulder as she swept the body away, “It’s not as if you
knew her, is it?” How anyone can make such callous remarks
to a woman who has just spent nine months cherishing a
precious life within their womb is quite beyond me.
At the same time as challenging such
insensitivity, it is honouring to recognise good models of care.
Many hospitals have effective pastoral support for bereaved parents.
As far back as the 1980’s, Blackburn Infirmary used to call David
Woodhouse, in order to provide pastoral care for the parents of
still-born babies. This enabled them to hold their baby and to take
photographs to record the event.
People who are unable to be present
in the aftermath of the death of family members often require
additional prayer and support. The fact that they missed the moment
of transition can cause them such intense grief that it threatens to
overwhelm the memory of all the good times they enjoyed together
over the years. If this applies to you, read on: we have an insight
that will minister to you!
We often noticed how pregnant mothers
who were particularly eager to have Rosalind as their midwife
managed to “hang on” until she was free to attend the birth of their
baby. At the opposite end of life, many people (from newborn babes
to the oldest great-grandparent) choose to slip away when they are
on their own – even during the interludes when loved ones leave the
room to eat or sleep.
Rona Scott sent me an account along
these lines after the husband of one of her friends was admitted to
hospital with terminal stomach cancer.
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Unable to find any peace
so long as his wife remained with him, the nurse suggested
that my friend step outside to give him some space to calm
down. He died almost immediately and very peacefully. My
friend was convinced that, just as he had looked after her
in life, he wanted to do the same now, not wanting her to
see him die.
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If you “missed the moment”
when your parent(s), child(ren) or partner passed into the
next world, there is no need to spend the rest of your life
plagued by regrets. What has happened may well be less a
failure on your part than due to the fact that your spirits
were so strongly united that it was not your presence but
rather your absence that was required to complete the
transition. I pray this insight will bring you great
comfort.
Where it is possible, you may find it
valuable to take time to be with your loved ones in the hours
following death. There can be real benefit in saying the things you
never quite got round to expressing. The grief ordeal is lessened
and the chances of a full recovery increase. Even better if some of
those words of forgiveness or appreciation can be expressed ahead of
time!
May the Lord help you concerning this
most vulnerable of issues. The death of His saints is precious in
God’s sight – and He will be with you as you honour their memory and
embark on the next phase of your life. |
