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While we were still engaged, Rosalind
and I visited a man of God called Alex Buchanan. Over the years, we
have been given many wonderful words of prophecy, but on this
occasion we received something altogether more sobering: “When I
think of the trials you two are going to go through,” Alex declared,
“I shudder!” This was not quite
the encouragement we had been hoping for(!) but at least God was
telling us straight how things would be. The Scriptures tell us that
we are destined to enter the kingdom through many hardships and
tribulations,2 but it is important not to underestimate the
psychological effects such trials can have on us.
As surely as some would regard moving
house or changing church as an adventure rather than a trauma,
others need to allow themselves more space and grace in which to
adjust and mourn when friends move away, children leave home, and
other shocks come their way.
It is by no means a sign of unbelief
or immaturity to mourn when precious seasons coming to an end, and
to recognise that certain things may never be the same again. Bland
reassurances that “time heals everything” often prove misleading.3
When extreme grief comes our way,
time often seems to all but stand still. Perhaps the African concept
of “Time coming” provides a more helpful perspective than our
agonising western preoccupation with time passing so quickly. As
Rosemary Green reminds us,
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Time only really brings
healing when the resentment at the source of the infection
has been cleaned. A wound may heal on the surface but it
will go septic if the dirt remains inside.4 |
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The one thing time does serve to do
is to put distance between us as we are today and grief events that
have happened in the past. By definition, even the most acute
memories fade with the passing of time, albeit it with occasional
sharp reprises. The more willing we are to work our grief through,
the less likely we are to end up harbouring emotional time-bombs.
It is comforting to reflect that the
Lord has all eternity to make up for our troubles in this life. An
elderly missionary couple entering New York harbour on board a liner
were rather ruefully watching the great crowds that had assembled to
welcome the celebrities as they disembarked from the ship. “Nobody’s
putting on a party to welcome me,” lamented the husband, sad and
somewhat afraid lest his decades of faithful service had passed
unnoticed. Seeing how upset he was, his wife encouraged him to pray
about the matter. He did so, and the Lord spoke clearly to him: “But
this isn’t your homecoming yet!”5
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